Happy Cinco de Mayo
Wedding post coming soon. In the meantime, I had to share this video:
The Census
We’re filling out our census report right now. I wonder how Tyrone “Vicious” Jackson and his Eskimo roommates are doing right now, ten years older and wiser.
Hello Toaster
Oscar Thoughts
Seriously, fuck Avatar
Jack and Locke at the Movies
Friday Night’s Alright
Been too long since I wrote something on this page.
The Way We Was Part III
So this is it, at long last. Thanks for putting up with the wait. I know it was worth it. I miss youse guys and hope you’re doing well. Come visit sometime. It’s finally not unbearable.
3. Weezer Show in Austin – Or Why we Hate Eskimos
There are concerts that you go to, and afterward are “hell yeah that was awesome.” (see number 9) Then there are shows that you will tell your kids and their kids about. This show is the latter for me. John, Lynsi, and I had attempted to see Weezer before (I think our strategy was “drive to Dallas, hope there are tickets left.”), so finally getting to go was a victory in and of itself. We were so pumped for the show, with Jacob painting his hair blue and me making a homemade weezer shirt…and letting everyone shave my head into a mohawk.
The show itself was fucking bad ass, to put it in technical terms. Ozma and The Get Up Kids did not offend our yet-to-hate-emo sensibilities. Then Weezer came and rocked our faces off. The feeling of being crushed against the fromt row rail is something I’ll never forget-no matter how much therapy I attend. And then there was Quinn, the Mighty Eskimo, throwing her elbows as if she were being guarded by Vlady Divac. I have never been so afraid of being decapitated before in my life. The best course of action was to get out of the way.
Even the trip back was awesome, with Jacob confused as to why his face looked like he’d been an extra in Braveheart, and all of us singing The Apples in Stereo as loud as we could to stay awake. I think we made it home safe.
Now, you’re kids or grandkids might talk to you about the concerts they’ll be going to and how they have holograms, lasers, and whatnot, but we will be able to look them in the eye and ask if they’ve ever had a 300-lb Eskimo woman bearing down on them like the Wrath of God. Check. Mate.
2. Beach House 2: Electric Bugaloo
“It’s Chinga!” *Slam* John: “No loud noises…”
It’s very rare that sequels equal or surpass the original. Which is why we were more than prepared for our second go at the beach house. We knew how serious things could get and we came prepared. Loaded with enough beer and liquor (for the Vodkasaurus) to make an Irishman write home to mother, we left nothing to chance. This was the first time, I believe that Melissa spent a great deal of time with all of us, I believe, and she handled herself admirable, I just say. There were some bumps in the road, defending Jay is never a good idea–ever, but all in all, she prove her mettle.
For our part, we (well, Bart) proved that drinking early in the AM is a bad idea–even on Spring Break. I proved that I am terrible at applying sunscreen. Grandma and Granpa Killjoy…well let’s just leave it at that.
Geez, I know I’m forgetting a lot of stuff here…”Who are you, Beowulf?” “Dr. Thunder prescribes a thunderous amount of pain.”
1. Irish Bobby’s Birthday or The Birth of Area 51.
Like I said before, When Jacob and I lived together,our pad was a cool place to hang out and have a few beers. It was where we would get (underage) drunk and act like asses. You know, a college apartment. It wasn’t until Irish Bobby moved in that we kicked the shit up to 11. The first big partty we had there was of astronomical proportions.
I remember at first thinking it was going to be a bust. It was past ten and only the regular crew was sitting around drinking despite the fact that we’d invited everyone we knew, met, or even looked at really. And then they came. They came in droves, friends, friends of friends, random people that we met while shopping for posters. Pretty soon the house was a’rockin and people were still knockin.
To say the party was off the chain is an insult. We had people on the kitchen floor making out, former track stars reliving their past glory, myself learning how to be a bartender (booze + booze + more booze = fun), and aforementioned track star passed out behind her car, and trying to keep poster guys from date-raping one of our friends. The next morning/afternoon, we went to Denny’s and had an amazing breakfast/lunch.
After that, Area 51 was the place to be. That party really set the tone for our future. It really makes me long for those days when I think about how much fun and how many friends we had coming over. I remember the vinyl couch we bought to have outside, and how awesome it was until they took it away with no notice. I remember John trying to kill us all with a knife and Alan nearly doing so with a beer bottle. Great times.
So, that’s it. All that waiting has finally paid off. The more I think about it, the more awesome our Baylor years actually were. Our glory days are long behind us, but its satisfying to know that at least we had a damn good time out of it. I’ll end this before I get too serious and ruin the comedic affect. Thanks for your patience, all three of you that read this. Now, I can blog about stupid shit in peace.
Our Old, Bad Habits Part 2
I’m really sorry it took me this long to get this up. The mid-terms got all up my ass and made my life a living hell. Luckily, I’ve already finished up the next part, so after you read this and comment, I’ll put the next part up. Let’s get to the fun:
6. Killroy was Here/The Lonely Bear Tapes
Alright, I’m starting off with a cheat here this time. This is just sort of a catch-all for the silly adventures we have captured on tape throughout the years. Most people, after their college years, only have snippets of memories that their alcohol-destroyed minds have managed to save. Not us, my friend. No, we decided that the dumber we got, the more pressing it was to capture it on film. It’s great to know that there are videos of us doing the most retarded things we could think up–like jumping on a bed with fish sheets and yelling, “splash!”
But then again, there are some great times captured on film as well. The chase scenes were pretty bad-ass, as was the the Lonely tapes. I still look up our masterpiece on Youtube every now and then, just to remember how pissed off John and Bart were at each other, for really no reason.
5. Getting Irish Bobby Fired
Everytime I use that “I’m a Mexican” pic on Facebook, I inevitably have to tell the story of how that picture came about. Everyone loves it and has a good laugh…and then I get to the end; the part where Bobby loses his job over it. I mean, sure he hated that job, was overworked, and was underpaid, but I really still feel bad about that last part. I mean, I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit anymore, and I think we’ve all pretty much put it behind us, but that twinge of guilt still comes when I tel that story.
I’m not trying to be a downer, though. It was a blast to sneak into the studio the times we did, messing with the ALICO cam and busting that guy with the hooker. The fake newscasts were great too, with Tsz-Wai trying to get the Engrish down and John and King Bobby being asses. I wish we still had the video from that second one, though. Then we could have proof that it was all Lynsi’s fault he got fired. Speaking of Lynsi…
4. “Fusion!”
I don’t think there’s ever been a plan that came together as beautifully as this one did. I mean, we drew out a map and everything.
Here’s a link to the full telling of the tale: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=60211838&blogID=118054844
Words cannot explain the level of glee that we all had when this plan went off without a hitch. I swear John’s balloon toss went in slow motion as it knocked Lynsi’s glasses off. It was a great day for all mankind. High-fives all around.
So that’s the second part. I swear there won’t be a month delay between the next two.
Our Misspent Youth Part 1
Well, damn. I guess my memories getting fuzzy already. Damn you booze…aww, I can’t stay mad at you.
Anyway, sorry for the delay in the list. I lost the notepad I had it written down in (yes I had to write them down. I’m getting old). I finally found it though, and am ready to get on with it.
Hopefully these memories are fully intact. All right. Here’s what you’ve been waiting for. The top ten list.
Part 1:
10. “John Kelley…Cancer”
It’s hard to believe that we were once a group of awkward, gawky teens instead of the dynamic men of action that we have become. But it’s true, we were pretty socially inept at the beginning of our college careers. I think this moment really captured that essence, when John tried to add a little flair in introducing himself to the other Baylor Plaza inmates. Instead of guessing that he was telling us his sign, we all thought he just told us he had cancer. Like I said, we were pretty awkward. And Irish Bobby was only in his 30s then.
9. The Controls are Released at The Door
Flas forward to years later, when we had lots of friends and were cool, hip indy kids in cool, hip indy bands. And then came Release the Controls. One of the greatests groups in the history of Hardcore bands from Baylor, Release the controls always did…release the controls. This show was much like the others, with with Joel wailing like a child who’s seen a clown for the first time, and Alan looking like he was going to hit someone…hard. What puts this show over the one where the band was upstaged by a tween wearing a cape was what happened afterward. The really, really shitty Christian band that lectured everyone on the merits of replacement cuss words; every guy in the place falling in love with the girls from (Mos) Eisley; and most importantly the two Christian rappers that called out Eminem. That and the midget.
8. Modest Mouse show in Denton
There’s nothing too incredibly funny about this night. I just have a soft spot for this concert. Not just because I really, really like Modest Mouse, or the fact that I can be all hipster-like and tell everyone I saw them before they were big. Those are just added benefits. I mostly remember this show because it was when we all kinda bonded. I’m pretty sure this was our first road trip together and the first show we went to. It was also a really good show. Isaac writhed around on the floor like a crazy person, Bart made me touch a fat girl’s ass, and that poor kid couldn’t get the flag at equilibrium. Also it was the first time I ever met Lynsey, and she hung out with us. We all know that turned out great for her.
7. Dazed and Very, Very, Very Afraid
We’ll leave off this installment with one of the most traumatizing events in our college years lives; our trip on hashish. Now, we were not the smartest of kids, let’s get that right out there. So, when we decided to get high, we knew that there were three ways to do it: the right way, the wrong way, and the incredibly stupid way. Our choice was obvious. There has never been another night where our stupidity and our ambition have collided in a perfect storm of retarded. From getting the recipe from internet site without thinking about it to John shining his car lights on me just as I was about to make the deal, we should have known this was a bad idea. but we pressed on. And boiled the pot into brownies. And then smoked some pot because we weren’t feeling anything. And then freaked the fuck out. By the time Jacobo was back home, we really thought we were going to die. Bart pacing in the corner because he would stop breathing if he stopped moving was straight out of a 1930s anti-dope film. The night was caped off with a lovely 3 part harmony of puking: Me in the upstairs bathroom, Bart in the downstairs, and John in the kitchen sink. I think we were still high the next day when we went to Denny’s.
And we never did drugs again. Ever.
Well, that’s what I have for now. Blow up my comments section again,man.
All Apologies
Sorry for the lateness of this post. I hadn’t expected to be as busy as I was the last couple of weeks. Things are going great in the desert, though. I think its going to be a good year. But enough jibba jabba, let’s get to the good stuff. As you know, I’ve complied the top ten memories of our college days, and have them ready. So, the top ten memories are:
not going to be seen just yet. Instead, I present the runners up; to give you a taste of what’s to come. So, presented here in no particular order
Built to Spill show in Deep Ellum
This was one of the funnest concert nights I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing. From John being scammed by a homeless guy to an awesome show, this one just missed the main list. The night began with John Kelley being sold a “parking pass” which turned out to be a used ticket stub. All the rest of us were too scared, so we just went along. Before the show, John spotted Doug Martsch walking around abd calls him out. He got a wave and beamed the rest of the night. The show itself was great, with the Polyphonic Spree kicking ass, the acoustic gu nearly killing the crowd, and then Built to Spill rocking out the Free Bird! Great night ll around
King Bobby Gets Drunk
Alcohol will be a recurring theme in this list, just as it was a recurring (and recurring and recurring) theme in our college years. I don’t know if KB had ever been drunk before that night at John’s apartment, but damn did he go all out that night. What I learned that night, is that if you have a drunk, tall, lanky Mexican who wants to run around, you let him. He’ll eventually tire himself out. He really loved the shit out of the ice, though.
Doin’ Lynsi Wrong.
Kind of a catch-all for all the early Area 51 nights, before it became Area 51. Lynsi being degraded (and humped) by everyone and degrading herself (doing “The Dog”) , the tape from that night makes for cringe-inducing viewing. Those were good times, though as the parties were small, intimate, and retarded.
Beach House I
Eclipsed in my memory by the second trip, our first excursion to the fabled beach house was nonetheless a great time. I really don’t remember much from that weekend (thanks booze), but there were a few moments that do stick out: Bart and John deciding that streaking would be a good idea, and Big Mouth Billy Bass serenading us for hours, plus a couple of the greatest quotes of our lives: “Dew detected? Abort! Abort!” and “Bobby’s down!”
So that’s a taste of what’s to come. Stay tuned. In the meantime, feel free to comment on the ways we wasted half a decade of lives.
